It’s a Goodbye.

And just like that I’ll be gone. I’m telling you it’s not a goodbye. I’m telling you so as I’m protecting myself. I’m lying to you. Truth is, I won’t see most of you ever again. But as I’m shit at goodbyes it is easier to write this down than say it out loud. Because it sounds so definite. And I can wipe my tears without you seeing me.

It is a goodbye. And I’ve been through it so many times. In fact it’s been so many times, that I should be used to it by now. I’m not. And I never will be. Like a little girl who overwaters plants because she doesn’t know when to stop giving.

I lost so many friends. So many people that were so close to my heart. I lost them as I put distance between us. In the world of social media we tend to believe that everyone is only click away. But what about other senses? Like hearing your voice. Or getting a sweaty hug. Staying in touch means much more than following someone on Instagram. I want to spend time with you. Smile at you. Laugh with you. Run with you. Drink beer with you. Meow at you…

It was my choice. 

And it was a good choice. 

But it is a change. 

A massive change. 

And it means it’s going to hurt. 

Why I’m suddenly so pathetic? I knew it will come. It always does. You move to a new place. You allow yourself to make new friends. You allow them to steal your heart. And you have the best time. And then you go. Like a damn nomad. How many times I’ve been through this? Five so far? But you know what, it’s ok to get hurt. 

Because it means you truly cared. 

That you truly loved.

That you were truly loved. 

And you, my friends, you will be truly missed.

It is a goodbye.

See you soon?

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